


Untitled Ficlet (July 2020)

by LogicGunn



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Balcony Scene, F/M, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:42:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25491811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LogicGunn/pseuds/LogicGunn
Summary: In which Rodney asks a question and gets a response he's not expecting.
Relationships: Jennifer Keller/Rodney McKay, pre-Rodney McKay/John Sheppard - Relationship
Comments: 21
Kudos: 87





	Untitled Ficlet (July 2020)

"...and, I just don’t know what to do. I mean, Atlantis is home, but she’s adamant that she doesn’t want to go back to Pegasus with the city, and I just...what do you think I should do?” Rodney turns to John and peers at him in the diffuse light from the tower above them. 

John doesn’t answer. His head falls back until it thunks against the wall and his face is tilted up to the night sky, only he’s not actually looking at the stars; his eyes are shut tight, and he’s shaking with the effort of...something. 

“John?” says Rodney. 

“Yeah?” John’s voice is quiet and raspy, his drawl prominent. It’s almost dangerous, that sound. 

“I...are you-” 

Rodney breaks off as John's breath catches and he lets out a long, low sound, like a dying animal. His head drops to his chest and he wraps his arms around his bent knees, the moonlight catching on his sharp cheekbone. It’s only when John sucks in a shaking breath that Rodney realises that John is crying. His body starts to tremble violently and Rodney hesitates, unsure what to do. He’s seen John cry before, of course he has; he’s seen the man take an arrow, and multiple bullets, and he was there when John manfully ignored abdominal pain for three days until his appendix burst and he had to be rushed into surgery, but this isn’t physical, it’s raw and emotional and- oh hell, what is Rodney supposed to do? 

John starts to heave with the wails that are tearing their way out of his throat. Rodney inches closer, hands raised, unsure of his welcome, but when he tugs on John’s shoulder, John falls into his chest and clutches at his t-shirt, howling with some kind of desperate anguish. Rodney wraps his arms around him, holds on as tight as he can, starts to rock them when the crying doesn’t show signs of letting up. John cries and cries and cries until his sobs crack and the neck of Rodney’s t-shirt is wet, then he slowly relaxes in increments until his breathing evens out and his body, so rigid before, becomes fluid and heavy against Rodney. 

It’s obvious the moment when John starts to feel ashamed of himself, he tenses up again and pulls away, and even though Rodney has never been in this position before he knows it’s significant, that he needs to keep hold of John or he might slip right through his fingers. He can feel it in his gut that if John gets up and walks through the door he won’t come back in any meaningful way. So he holds on and on, resisting John’s attempts to break free, keeps him wrapped up and safe in his arms until he relents and sags back down, wiping his nose on Rodney’s t-shirt. Rodney doesn’t even mind. 

“I won’t go,” he says, confidently. 

“Rodney-” 

“No, John. Forget I said anything.” 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-” 

“No. I’m sorry. If I’d known you’d feel so strongly about it I wouldn’t have even considered it.” 

“But if you don’t...if you don’t go...Keller...” 

“Jennifer deserves much more than someone who’ll always choose you over her, and maybe I didn’t know that until right now, but there it is.” 

“I don’t want to ruin anything for you.” 

“You’re not. We’re going to have to talk, you and me, about this, about what exactly it means that you can’t bear the thought of me leaving and I can’t bear the thought of you being in emotional distress, but that can wait for an evening when A I’m not covered in your snot and B we have had some of Radek’s rotgut, because god knows it’s going to take something strong enough to dissolve your stomach lining to get you to actually articulate your feelings.” 

John burrows his head deeper into Rodney’s neck. “Okay.” 

“But right now I’d better go and talk to Jennifer.” 

“Can...can you wait just a few more minutes?” 

“Just a few,” says Rodney, and he presses his mouth into John’s hair and breathes in.


End file.
